APOLOGY - A TOOL FOR BUILDING A STRONG RELATIONSHIP



Always learn to say sorry. These were the words from a father to a son that echoed my ear one Monday morning en route to my second home, the office. I am not very sure what the issue was but seeing a young girl crying by his side I, could surmise that he had wronged her.

As I entered a taxi on my way to my second home, I mulled over this saying “always learn to say sorry”. I kept thinking about this and started raising some questions. Is the word sorry that powerful to resolve sour relationships, what is the magic in this word? Why is it very difficult for people to use it when they know they are wrong? Do some people even realise it when they are wrong?

I paused a little and my mind settled on a character at my second home. For him, the word sorry rather infuriates him. Why would you be wrong in the first place? , he will always ask. Well,trying to add these up, I dived into the water to unearth the magic in this word, apology.

Many relationships have gone sour because this word was missing, companies have lost great talents because that boss could not apologise. My interaction with Josephine, a former working colleague was evocative. She was very skilful at her job and having worked so many years before I tasted working life, she obviously had a lot of experience and her level of professionalism was nonpareil. Indirectly, I tapped into her potentials. But she resigned to the surprise of many and interacting with her three years later unravelled the mystery, she said “I would not have resigned if he had apologised”. To satisfy my curiosity, I asked in a quizzical manner, who? The director of course, she responded. The absence of this word caused this company to lose a talented and experienced team member. Their relationship could have been healed with a simple apology. Was it arrogance on the part of the director? Or he just forgave in his heart and did not see any need to declare openly.

An apology has two key elements,It shows your remorse over your action
It acknowledges the hurt your action has caused to someone else.We all need to learn how to apologize – after all, no one is perfect. For Aristotle ones said that to err is human and I am sure you want to add the continuation of this legendary  saying .We all make mistakes, and we all have the capability to hurt people through our behaviours and actions, whether these are intentional or not.

It isn't always easy to apologize, but it's the most effective way to restore trust and balance in a relationship, when you've done something wrong.

So why apologise, what are the consequences of not apologising?, why is apology difficult?, how can one apologise appropriately? Are you waiting for that person to apologise because you are right? What are the implications for the corporate world?
In the second part of this write up, I will seek to address these questions and hope the issues discussed will be of enormous contribution to making relationships better.

If we are honest with ourselves,we are going to have inner conflict. If we don’t wear a mask with another person, we are going to have conflict. Conflict is a necessary component to growth and learning; it’s necessary for change, it’s necessary for a deeper connection. The only way to avoid conflict is to hide your true self. In doing so you will feel alone no matter how easy a relationship is.

Thanks for reading.
You can contact the writer by phone on 0242657965 or email: cobbiedward@yahoo.co.uk

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